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Stepping back a bit, and try to put your emotions aside...for a brief moment to get a different perspective on things.
1. Is the description of your daughters performance 'accurate'. Is she doing well, or is she in need of assistance? First attend to whatever you child is lacking in her performance then deal with the adults involved. (be as diplomatic as possible.)
2. I personally see no harm in a teacher discussing the performance with another 'Family' member. It may have been the teacher's judgment that 'it is in the best interest of the student'. (This should be the primary goal, we would all hope for. It take a community of people to raise a child and responsible mature adults influence our children every day.)
3. This woman is married to your daughter's father. What is his opinion. (without causing an argument, just what are his feelings about his Wife being involved in the life of his daughter.) Do they spend time together?. She is not taking your place! She is just another adult influence in your daughters life.
May your daughter learn to decipher the good and bad experiences in her life. And learn a positive lesson from the reaction of the adults around her.
Best of luck sorting through your differences. Please keep your daughter's feelings and behavior in perspective. Be sure a situation is not being created to draw more attention or create more tension.
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